Cooper's Big Day
by Neeup and Greegrue
Summary: The gang goes on a mission, nice twist. :D


Cooper's Big Day By Neeup Xarasanee  
  
  
  
"Lets get going, Rick!" said Regina. "Shut up, dammit, im trying to get my high tech equiment ready!" Regina looked at his equipment, and noticed his CD player and stack of Vanilla Ice CDs. "Rick, we are going to miss the helicopter!" said Regina, annoyed. Rick looked back, "True, those other guys in the helicopter wouldn't make it very far without our help." Regina looked at him, "I wouldnt go that far, Rick. Gail and Cooper are born troops." Rick shook his head, "Cooper isnt worth a damn..." Just then Cooper walked in, without saying a word, he grabbed Rick by his pony tail. Rick grew angry, "Get off me, foo!" Cooper pushed him down, and picked up his M-C Hammer CD, then he walked out the room. Regina laughed, "Wow Rick, you just got told.". Rick yelled, "DAMN IT! He took my M-C Hammer CD! It had my theme song on it!". Regina laughed, "I will be out in the helicopter, come as soon as your done here." Rick quickly gathered his things, and ran to the helipad. Gail looked at Rick as he boarded the helicopter, "What took you so long, hippy?". Rick said nothing, but glared at cooper, who sat quietly reading the lyrics to his new CD. There were a few other expendable troops, who did nothing but make the group look good. Very seldom they would have a purpose, perhaps to provide cover fire or something of the like. The helicopter took off, Rick puked overboard. Cooper, as usual said nothing, but smiled. Regina looked at Cooper, "Hey Cooper why dont you give back Rick his CD?" Cooper looked to Rick, who sat with a pleading look. Cooper shrugged, Rick quickly snatched his CD and popped it into his pack. Gail looked at Rick, "Your absolutely pathetic.". Rick looked at him for a moment, "Why you gotta be like that?" said Rick. Cooper started cracking up, and slapped Gail on the back. Gail looked at Cooper, "Don't touch me, prick." Cooper sat upright, and looked out the doorway. Regina looked at Gail, "By the way Gail, you never told me where we are going. Where is this place?" "An island out in the pacific, I think there might be dinosaurs there, just a hunch." responded Gail. An expendable nameless troop looked up, "Dinosaurs?? I didn't hear anything about d-dinosaurs!!" Gail scowled, "Thats because your a dumbass, now shut your mouth." The nameless soldier nodded, and looked out the doorway, just as Cooper was. Regina grinned, "I have a gun!" Rick looked at her, "You do?? All I got was a laser pointer!" Gail chuckled to himself quietly, "I dont know how that happened..." Cooper looked to his belt, oddly enough, all he had was some saltine crackers in his gun holster, then he remembered, the kerioki jam he had had late the previous night. He had a CD player, but no microphone, and he was drunk, so he used a pack of saltine crackers as a microphone. He remembered the hookers and the nameless soldier who had been there, it had been quite a night. He snapped out of it as Gail said, "Were coming to the island, get your parachutes, and dont get lost, especially you, Cooper." Cooper rolled his eyes, then got punched by Gail. Cooper was disoriented, but he and the group jumped from the helicopter. Cooper landed out in the woods, and was lost, mainly because he had been disoriented from the punched in the face. It was dark, and he was scared, so he pulled out his saltines and a flashlight. There was nothing to be heard. Not even birds chirping, he figuered a Tyranosaurus was coming, based on the lack of birds, and began to run. Sure enough, a Tyranosaurus was hot on his tail, and he threw the crackers at it. It stopped and sniffed them, allowing Cooper to escape. He noticed the group met up on the beach. Gail, Rick, Regina, and the other pointless people met on the beach. Gail looked at his watch, "Let's go.". Regina had put on a mask before jumping out of the helicopter, and for effect, she thrust her head forward as she took it off, saying, "What about Cooper?". Gail shook his head, "His dumbass couldnt find his way out of his dorm, much less these woods, lets go." Rick shook his head, "But he is a te-" Gail cracked his knuckles, "I said we go!" Rick nodded, "Ok, we go." Regina whispered to Rick, "Your such a pansy." Suddenly Cooper ran up out from the woods. He waved, but said nothing. Gail slapped his forhead, "Nice going team, now we got retard with us, if you hadnt dawdled we could have put him MIA. Ok, well, Rick, you got babysitting duties." Rick punched the air in front of him, "Damn! Lets go...Cooper." Regina grinned, "Thank god. I was afraid I would get stuck with him." Gail shook his head, "Nah, you have a gun, you might accidentally help him." Regina laughed, "Yeah, good point." Rick looked at Cooper, "What did you see out there, Cooper?" asked Rick. Cooper looked at him, and explained to him that he had been chased by a dinosaur...in sign language. Rick nodded, "We better watch out backs.". They reached a fenced in area, and Gail paused, then looked at the group of expendables. "Ok men, secure the permineter, Regina, Cooper, Rick, and myself will come up with a plan of attack from this location." The nameless nodded, and charged in with some BB rifles. Gail looked at Rick, "Rick, why are you even here?" Rick looked at Cooper, then in a vulgar hand motion, said, "Suck it, Gail." Gail, without hesistation gave Rick a swift left hook to the kisser. "Go home, pretty boy!" said Gail. Rick felt his eye, "Oh great, now I have a swollen eye, thats bound to be great for this mission, thanks dickhead." Gail pulled out his autorifle, "Dont make me shoot you, pussy." Regina, grinned, "Do it, Gail." Cooper shook his head, and said that it would be best not to fight, in sign language. Gail nodded, "I guess your actually right for once, Cooper." Suddenly, the sound of BB guns echoed throughout the complex. Regina jumped, "The nameless guys!" Rick nodded, "They are in trouble!" Gail shrugged, "Ok, Regina and I will investigate. Rick, you and Cooper stay here." Regina and Gail walked through a door, and walked down a hallway, following a very bright red blood trail. The same kind of blood trail the nameless soldiers left... "Regina..." said Gail. She looked at the body of the nameless soldier, which had been ripped in half. "...thats disgusting." Gail laughed, "Yeah, isnt it? Look how bright the blood is." Regina grinned, "Its remarkable.". Gail shrugged, "Anyway, I have a hunch this hallway leads to a power generator room, I also think there will be a puzzle, I want you to get the power on, I dont have a reason yet, but dont worry, I will think of one." Regina sighed, "Its always the power, isnt it." Gail nodded, "Yeah, it is. I will stand out here and do nothing until you come back out." Regina nodded, "Yes sir!" She went in, and discovered a series of different colored batteries and buttons, she was glad to see it was a simple puzzle, and had the power running in no time." Just then there was the sound of an autorifle outside. "Whoa! Gail is in trouble!" she said aloud, and ran outside. A dead raptor lay on the ground, a perfectly round pool of blood surrounding it. "Wow, a dinosaur!" then laughed at the thought of Rick pointing a laser pointer at one. Gail was no where in sight. There was a hole in the fence, but it was a pit, and there was no real point to it, because nothing could have come in or gone out. Just then a raptor jumped down to Regina, and she blew it away with her pistol. They were very weak, three pistol shots would leave one dead. She ran back to where Cooper and Rick had been left, they were gone. She opened her wrist communicator. "Someone come in!" she said, Rick responded, "Hey, whats up?". Regina smiled, glad to hear Ricks voice, "Not much, I was attacked by a dinosaur and our nameless team is dead." Rick shrugged, "Why am I not suprised, me and Cooper figuered out something neat about your name!". Regina paused..."What is it?" Rick grinned, "Regina sounds kind of like 'vagina'!" she heard Cooper and Rick laughing on the other end. She closed transmission in there faces. Gail walked up, "Hi Regina, worried about me?" Regina narrowed her eyes, "Where were you?" Gail shrugged, "Taking a leak, killing that dinosaur made me have to piss. How about you?" Regina looked down, "Looking for you. Rick and Cooper made fun of my name." Gial snickered, "Its enough to do." Regina stomped her feet, "I know, but must you tease me about it?" Gail nodded, "Yeah, its too great to pass up." "Thanks for nothing, ass." said Regina. Gail grew angry, "Ok, give me the gun. Give it!" She handed it over, "Asshole, now I am more defenseless than Cooper." Gail paused, "Good point, here." He handed her a nightstick, "There you go." Rick called in, "I just completed the mission, me and Cooper here found some booze though, come on down for a good time." Gail grinned, "Nows are chance! Let's head for the hanger!" Regina, still angry about losing her gun, said, "Nah, i want to drink, we cant leave without our team mates!" Gail shook his head, "Don't pull this now...vagina!" She slapped him. They went to the Comm room, where Cooper and Rick were living large. Cooper slapped him Rick a high five as Rick displayed his disk, which had the contents needed for the mission to be successful. Cooper looked at Regina and Gail as they walked in. Cooper said let's go Rick...in sign language. Rick nodded, "See you, losers!" Gail bit own fist in fury. Regina looked at him, "Let's go get the little shit!" Gail noticed Rick has MC hammer blaring on the speakers in the complex, it was 'Cant touch this', Rick's theme song. Cooper danced as he ran. Rick let down his pony tail, and started to headbang, just for effect. Gail caught up and beat the hell out of him. Rick touched his lip with his hand and looked at Gail, "Oh great, I'm bleeding." on the verge of tears. Cooper got off easy, with just a punch to the face. Then, together they made their way to the hangar. They stole a helicopter to make their gettaway, but as they were flying, some pterydons attacked, Regina and Gail made quick work of them. Rick was flying, and Cooper was just chillin in the back, playing on Ricks gameboy. Suddenly in a freak accident, the steel plating on the side of the helicopter broke loose, and Cooper fell through, plunging to the water. Rick glanced back and said, "I didnt see nothin." he continued to fly, but then remember his gameboy. "SHIT! MY GAMEBOY!" he took the helicopter down and jumped out, leaving to hover, fortunetly, they were over water, and Rick would be able to fix it, it floated, Cooper was down there too, but he was swimming torward an island in the opposite direction, and Rick didnt give a damn about him. Rick took them back to the base, where they got ready for the next assignment. Cooper swam to the island, turns out it was a paradise for playmates who wanted some time away. Cooper lived happily ever after.  
  
--------------------The End---------------------  
  
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